Nerdy By Nature, Holiday Edition!

As I was waiting in line at the Dominick's behind the sketchy dude with the still smoldering half cigarette in one hand and the quart of eggnog in the other, I thought to myself, "Well, If this guy can muster up some Christmas spirit, then certainly you can!". In past years I've been up in arms about the holidays, what with the Terminator 2-like shopping expeditions and baking so many cookies that my pores started exuding butter and red and green sugar sprinkles. Fitting those activities into my schedule this year would have meant abandoning all hope of a full night's sleep and any semblance of sanity.

I couldn't even walk the perimeter of the Macy's window this year without almost bursting into tears. The music was assaultive, the lights hurt my eyes, and the goddamn tourists kept on blocking the sidewalk in huge clumps. Note to tourists: Stop being assholes. I know you are distracted by shiny things and loud noises, but let's avoid standing for long periods of time staring off into space and taking 20 gazillion pictures of the Macy's sign. Anyways, I've felt pretty horrible about my assault on Christmas this year. Special apology to mom: I'm sorry I said that I hated Christmas music last night. Next time I will listen without complaint.

I guess now would be the appropriate time to write a moral to the story about how I should be grateful for family and friends blah blah blah the best gift is peace on earth blah blah, which I sincerely believe, I really do, but the glare from the plastic navitiy scene across the street is hurting my eyes and making it hard to concentrate.

Happy Holidays everyone!

lurve,
~S.

p.s. although I am avidly against putting dogs in costumes, I totally commend the Grinch's efforts on making a reindeer costume for his dog that pretty much set the standard for all doggie christmas costumes to follow. Mad Props, the Grinch.

Just In Case You Were Wondering.......

These are the reading materials that are available to me while I eat my lunch in the break room

1. Sting: Marathon Man

Why there is a biography of Sting sitting proudly amongst discarded take out menus and stacks of napkins is a mystery to me. How did it get there? Who put it there? Most importantly why isn't it being used as a doorjamb? Will these questions ever be answered? I do not know. But I do know this: Amazon.com gave it an average rating of 2 stars. Rock on!

2. Lamb of Love

I guess this is supposed to be some sort of attempt at making a Wuthering Heights-esque book for those who have attention spans just long enough to complete an entire chapter of "Loins of Desire" by Danielle Steele. The cover jacket is an entertaining read, at least. I'm pretty sure the frumpy and consistently bitchy postdoc from down the hall brought it in to warm her up on cold lonely nights when she's waiting for her western blots to transfer.

3. Issue of Men's Health, ca. 2001

If the appearance of the male population on this floor is any indication of whether or not any of them has been reading men's health, then i'm confident that i'm the only one who's gotten past page one of this thing.

4. Chico's catalog, Winter 2004

Highly advocates the return of stirrup pants, oversized sweaters and ugly jewelry. Culprit is obviously frumpy postdoc. A double offender. If I find a copy of Country Home Design Monthly in there next week, I may have to take the woman down.

You like party? I like party! Super!

Ok so I know you all are thinking "Gosh darndit, do I hate New Years Eve. All that pressure to go somewhere cool, and to like, take a shower before I go out and stuff. What a hassle!" Well folks, I have the solution. It's Will Long Day, and it's the day before New Years Eve. Yes, you heard me right-no need to worry about any hype or build-up, because December 30th is going to be the rocking-est party you've ever been to, and you have my word on that.

Curious?

for more information go to this site
cheers!

~S.

"Americans Kind of Stupid", States BBC News Article

Warning: This article will probably make your brain melt out of your ears

But seriously, I can't tell you how saddened I was to read this article. It's the devolution of the intellect of the American people and one of these days we're going to pay for it. If you all want cures to diabetes, cancer, MS, MD, Parkinsons and about a million other life-threatning diseases, you're going to have to start putting some faith in science. I would start ranting about the lack of funding in labs all over the U.S., and how that $27m used to make the atrocity called "The Creation Museum" could be put to real use, but that would be boring for you and time consuming for me.

So, on to the snarkiness.

I am so glad that someone has finally put to rest all the nasty rumors about "The Flinstones". If there's anything I've learned from T.V. it's that humans and dinosaurs lived together in harmony. And people used pterodactyls as airplanes and large prehistoric birds as alarm clocks and bowling was the most popular sport and everyone did a super cool dance called "The Bedrock Twitch". I'm not gonna let any smart-alecky scientist tell me otherwise, so there.

interesting fact: 40% of americans believe the earth was created in seven days. I mean, that's pretty cool. That could be our new slogan! "The United States: Tell us that dogs are actually space aliens sent here to take over the world, and 40% of the population will probably believe you."

I Knew It!

Scientists at Manchester University have finally come up with a formula to explain the Beer Goggle Effect!

The best part of the article is when the author states that a person given a beer goggle score between 1 and 50 would be considered "less visually offensive" than if you looked at them while completely sober. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't settle for "less visually offensive", even if I was drunk off my ass.

Well, it's about time. All I know is, that I wish they'd have thought this formula up while I was still at school. That way, whenever a creepy guy asked me for my number I could have just said "Sorry, my snellen visual acuity is like, totally low and stuff" and he probably would have just gotten really confused and given up.

cold

I'm already getting sick of this whole "winter" thing, and we're pretty much only one day into it. BUT if I abstain from buying my morning coffee for 1,550 days and save up the cash, I can take a trip here

Only 4.2 years of saving up. I totally have the patience for that, right?

the CTA can suck it

Seriously, dont make an announcement that there is a "mechanical problem", when in actuality "problem" means "fucking fire in the subway". If you had just been honest with me, CTA, I wouldn't have sat on that red line train for 15 minutes before giving up and leaving. Also, maybe you guys could hire some non-sadistic bus drivers that would consider waiting until people cross the street before driving off like a bat out of hell. We all need our excercise, but running for the bus isn't exactly my ideal workout.

I am wandering around the lab in just socks, which probably violates a million safety codes, but whatever, I'm the manager of this place and i'll do whatever I want. So there.