Why Can't We Start out Old and Just Get Younger?

Though there are a few celebrities in this day and age who I wouldn't kick out of bed (helloooo, Ryan Reynolds. Damn, I love me some Ryan Reynolds), most of my famous guy crushes are on celebrities who would now be considered kinda old or really fat or dead. Here's a list of my top 5:

1. Paul Newman in "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" (1969): Butch Cassidy embodies the trifecta of hotness: He shoots, he rides, he drinks whiskey. Enough said.

2. Harrison Ford in "Star Wars" (1977): OMG OMG Han Solo is so hot.

3. Val Kilmer in "Real Genius" (1985): So we all know that Val Kilmer is like a total blimp now but I would totally bang his younger, smart mouthed, 80's vested, laser-making counterpart. Sidenote: where the hell can I buy the soundtrack to that movie?

4. Marlon Brando in "Guys and Dolls" (1955): Usually movies that are musicals kind of annoy me but I'm willing to overlook it in this case because I'm a sucker for a handsome guy in a well-tailored suit. Plus, who could say no to a guy who is willing to fly you to Cuba and get you drunk off of some weird cocktail called a "dulce de leche"? By the way, don't try to order a dulce de leche in a Cuban restaurant, they'll just look at you funny. Trust me on this one.

5. John Cusack in "Say Anything" (1989): John Cusack, what happened to you? You used to be all cute and vulnerable, now you're just.......wrinkly.

Ugh, PostSecret is so frickin' annoying.

Right now I am sick-ish and in a bad mood because the university doesn't consider Columbus Day a holiday, so here I am sitting like a chump at my desk chugging down tea like its my job and being generally annoyed by most things.

Though the list of dumb shit that is bugging me this morning is a mile long, what has pissed me off the most is PostSecret. I'm sure you all know the concept behind this site, but I view it as a big bulletin board for whiny people. You know that one emo girl from high school? The one who was always giving herself tattoos with her purple bic and carried around a book of E.E. Cummings poems? Multiply that by one hundred billion and you have PostSecret. I mean, should we really be encouraging these people and their self indulgent behavior? Let's stop the making-a-sad-collage-out-of-magazine-clippings insanity and get these folks some Wellbutrin already. Jesus.

Note: I was going to put a picture of an emo girl up here, but after scanning the first two pages of images from the google search for "emo girl" I just got really irate and gave up.

Yet Another Obsessive Post about Lil' Wayne

If you know me, you know that I have this thing for Lil' Wayne. Maybe it's the grill and the chains, or the tattoos on his eyelids, or the fact that he is totally batshit insane (listen to his mixtapes if you don't believe me). It's probably a combination of all of those things coupled with the fact that he is an amazingly talented rapper.

Recently I read a post on Idolator or Fader or one of those other annoying music websites that stated that Lil' Wayne is the premiere nerdy hipster hip-hop obsession, which kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I'd hate you all to think that I'm some bandwagon fan, when in reality I've been bumpin' Weezy since my sophomore year of college; Shine was pretty much my go-to party track in '02, and I'm still rocking it in '07. That's why I go to Vibe magazine for my fix (that way after I read an article I won't have to feel like I need to take a shower to wash off the pretentious hipster stank, you know?). And I know you're thinking "holy crap, 77 tracks in ten months?", but that's just how Lil' Wayne do. A few of my favorites from the list include:



Love the vocal sampling.



this one brings out Akon and T.I. as its heavy hitters and is quickly moving to the top of my favorite songs of 2007. Also, Weezy raps in a church! Neat.



Incredibly infectious beat, yeah?

anyways, just wanted to share my love of Lil' Wayne with you all. You know, in the non-ironic scenester sense. Enjoy!

Some Things

At first I thought this post was going to be entitled "My New Years Resolutions, Three Months Early". Because, you know, New Years day is no time for resolutions. It's a time to be hungover and eat discounted Christmas chocolate and maybe watch a "Freaks and Geeks" marathon, so you sure as hell better get your resolutions figured the fuck out before then. Then I realized it wasn't so much resolutions as a list of stuff I might like to get done sometime. That eventually digressed into an indistinguishable disorganized mess of stuff I'm just really excited to tell people about, which I am henceforth passing on to you.

1. Hey! I'm going to start a podcast. Apparently all you need is a microphone, garage band, and a desire to be kind of an asshole on the internet. Already got the last two covered, the mic is in the mail. It'll probably be very similar to this blog, a lot of the music I like interlaced with my rapier wit. Also, probably some wacky sound effects. I'm going to call it "StarKast". Catchy, non?

2. As I was walking home from the gym I noticed a Colt 45 advertisement on the side of a building. I guess drinking malt liquor has become de rigueur among the hipster set, but it still threw me off to see it on the side of some fancy Wicker Park condo. Anywho, I was trying to find an image of the ad I saw because it included the classic Colt 45 tagline "It Works Every Time!"*. Well kids, I did one better. Billy Dee presents Colt 45. Thank you, internet.

3. Hey, look! They remixed my favorite Robyn song. Hope y'all like europop, cause it's comin' at you in full force.

4. Who wants to go hiking? I promise I won't try to eat you in the woods** if we get lost for a really long time because I'll be sure to pack a whole bunch of those gross peanut butter and cheese cracker things. C'mon, it'll be funnnnnn!

*It works every time? What does that mean? It works every time you want to date rape someone? I expected better from you, Billy Dee.
**This statement is revoked if your head starts looking like a giant roast turkey ala that one Bugs Bunny cartoon. You know the one I'm talking about.

It's true, I kind of have a soft spot for old school Country-Western. I know it's an acquired taste, but listen to this live Emmylou Harris cut and you'll understand why I love it so much.



So, to recap: Emmylou Harris=awesome. That is all.