I like "Erotic Sex", too.

Since it was too cold out today to do my usual hobo-nap-on-a-park-bench-during-lunch-hour trick (very difficult to pull off, almost David Blaine level. You have to position the newspaper over your face just right or you look totally unbelievable. I like to add an empty 40 of KC for added effect.), I decided to do that kind of annoying thing where I pick up magazines at the bookstore and get the pages all dog eared and steal the perfume samples, etc.

I couldn't help but pick up this month's Cosmo, partly because the dress that Jessica Biel wears on the cover is amazing and I wanted to know just how much more it was than I could ever afford, but mostly because of the emblazoned headline "Secrets of Male Arousal!" . Of course I jumped at the chance to learn the secrets of how to please my man-what red-blooded American gal wouldn't? The article stated such helpful hints as:

-Walk around in your panties and bra in front of him!
-Give him a seductive look at the bar!
-Let him do you doggie style!

Now, while I applaud(?) Cosmo's efforts of letting us in on all the kinky sex secrets we'd need to know circa 1947, I'm pretty sure women nowadays know that guys like hittin' it from the back.

I spent a good 45 minutes wondering to myself how the people behind this thing even let an article as retarded as this one pass through quality control. I mean, we all know the old addage "sex sells", "women will read anything if it they think it will help them get a man" blah blah blah, but come on, have some journalistic integrity here. Does Cosmo really think its readers are that stupid?

Well, apparently the editor does.

Oh Kate White, you relish in the fact that your reader base snaps up copies of your sad piece of shit excuse for a women's interest rag solely because of the idiotic and asinine headliners. You certainly are smarter than the average fashion mag worker! Too bad that ain't sayin' too much.

Hilary Duff Should Stick to Shitty Disney Channel Shows, Looking Like a Horse

It makes me really angry when an artist covers a song and makes it completely unlistenable, (Read: Hilary Duff's version of the Go-Go's "Our Lips are Sealed". I'm not really sure why they ever thought this was a good idea.) which is why i'm so happy about this.

If you know me, you know i'm a little bit crazy about Lily Allen, and I think I might like this rendition better than the original Kaiser Chiefs version. Blasphemy? Perhaps, but Lily Allen is totally irresistable and I am helpless against her charms. Plus, with this video I get my Lily fix and eye candy (mmmm, Mark Ronson) all at the same time, so it's a win-win.

p.s. if you're ever really bored at work coversproject.com is a really good time-waster. Not that I would ever need to kill time at work or anything. But you know, for your own reference and stuff.

You Could Be an Air Hostess in the 60's

THIS IS A SERIOUS QUESTION GUYS REALLY

Does anyone in this city have a non-ironic moustache?

I Want To Sleep With Common People Like You

Like you really needed another reason to hate rich kids from Yale.

click.

I Really Have Too Much Free Time On My Hands

It's not that I don't like "Take Me Home Tonight". Put it on the stereo and will sing along as loudly and drunkenly as possible. It's just that there are so many things wrong with this video, I almost don't know where to start. Oh wait, yeah I do:

1. Eddie Money, what in the hell are you wearing? I realize that during the 80's there was a rash of really terrible windbreaker incidents, but as a rock'n'roller, you should have known better than to succumb to the puffy sleeved devil.

2. Why are you fake-playing what appears to be a kind of tiny saxaphone? We all know you can't play the saxaphone. Maybe that's why 30 seconds later you decided to turn it on its side and play it like a guitar? Were you all like "Oh shit it is so obvious I have no idea what I am doing. Better try to cover my tracks with a rousing bout of air guitar. They'll never guess that I was trying to look legit." Eddie Money, you are a genius.

3. You know, when I first saw that female sillouhette in the beginning of the video I got all excited to see a blonde 80's hot chick. She's all walking seductively down the hallway and you get all excited that maybe you'll see a Kelly Bundy-esque groupie and then all of the sudden you're assaulted with the 50 year old Ronnie Spector. Let me tell you, time has not been kind to Ronnie so if you have an aversion to seeing the decidedly weird image of a wrinkly face attached to a kind of hot body you might want to skip the last minute or so.

Fun fact: Eddie Money used to be a member of the NYPD. Well, he sure has arrested this girl's heart. Zing!