Im pretty confident this is what women did during the 19th century to stave off ennui

I just saw this on the website for Readymade Magazine, a publication geared toward the modern day indie craftster. Be forewarned, it's pretty gross.

I mean, what the hell? Whatever happened to just slapping some peanut butter and birdseed on a pinecone or gluing some popsicle sticks together and calling it all good? Taxidermy = boho chic? SOON YOU WILL WALK INTO URBAN OUTFITTERS AND SITTING RIGHT THERE IN BETWEEN THE DISTRESSED RAMONES TSHIRTS AND THE COFFEE TABLE BOOK ABOUT HARAJUKU GIRLS THERE WILL BE A HOME TAXIDERMY KIT?? I'm sorry, that's just weird.

On a different note, I am ashamed at my recent inability to complete a midweek crossword puzzle. This needs to remedied as soon as possible.

An Open Letter to Wine.....

Dear Wine,

I tried so hard to like you, I really did. Your attempt to make me appear classier and more worldly did not go unappreciated. But seriously, you give me a headache and make my food taste all boozy. Maybe one of these days i'll give you another chance to prove yourself, but until then, i'll just stick to diet coke.

warm regards,

Extra, Extra: USA Today Sucks.

Dear USA Today,

thank you for pointing out the obvious.

this is why your newspaper's circulation is relegated to Holiday Inn lobbies and the 7-eleven where I buy my coffee every morning.

tomorrow's headline: Gravity: It's Not Just a Good Idea, It's the Law.

Hey! You, with the hair!

Who wants to apply to graduate school with me? C'mon, it'll be fun, I promise!!


sidenote: One has not experienced *real* romance until one has been serenaded with Patrick Swayze's "She's Like the Wind".

I was totally in Beta Theta Pi 5 years ago

Saturday afternoons in my neighborhood: Its like the big ten threw up all over the place or something.

at least I found some drunk dude who was willing to tell me whether Michigan beat Wisconsin or not (despite my overall annoyance with the big ten frat/sorority scene that is Lincoln Park, I still hold a soft spot in my heart for Wolverine football)

Right now I'm at Cait's apartment doing that thing that girls do when gearing up for a night out, which involves trying on many outfits etc etc. I am wearing eyeliner, which, if you know me, is a pretty rare occurence.

also, the tornado sirens went off in the city last night for the first time in like 30 years!! craziness!

Monster Mash!!!

Remember that song? It was like, the only record my elementary school gym teacher owned. That, and the superbowl shuffle. So basically regardless of what season it was, we would run laps while listening to monster mash on continuous loop. It was pretty awesome.

But I digress.

Its that time of year again when we start thinking about halloween costumes and seriously, I cant think of anything good. All I have so far is this, which is totally sexy but maybe a bit uncreative. I mean, I dont want to show up to a halloween party and have five other girls there in shark-head costumes. That would be totally humiliating.

I really need to win a car off of wheel of fortune or something.

Best part of commute home last night: Guy sitting next to me on the el playing air guitar while listening to zep on his iPod. I salute you, guy.

Worst part of commute home last night: Its a tie between being stranded on LSD on the #6 bus for 20 minutes and having to listen to the frat boy two roys behind me call each of his frattyboy friends and proclaim to them loudly "dude, im on my way to wing night right now". Dude, indeed.

side note: does anyone know a good website where I can buy a custom script gold necklace and/or a totally blinged out belt buckle?

In which I realize I'm beginning to sound like my mom

Every e-mail I send to my coworkers pretty much involves me yelling at them for not picking up after themselves. I feel like I should add to the end of each one "you can fold your own gosh-darn laundry" and/or "just wait until your father gets home, then you'll be sorry!".

also, I would much rather be waiting in line for free Lupe Fiasco tickets at Tower Records than be at work today. Stupid adult responsibility. You just have to fuck up everything, don't you?

a rash of posts, because the novelty of having my own blog hasnt worn off yet

my weekend consisted of many hilarious occurences, including:

- stealing a hurricane glass from the innertown pub
- eating a piece of cake stolen from a closed kitchen at 2 a.m. that had been concealed in or around pants
- being chased around with a plastic fork attached to a power drill

next weekend I'll go to a museum or something, I swear.

science moment at the X55 bus stop

So recently i've been taking the green line to work, and though I love having to dash across the freeway of death in order to get to the 55 bus stop off of the redline, the greenline bus stop definitely trumps the redline with its cast of characters that hang out in front of the liquor store/Harold's/abandoned H&R block storefront. Today, as I was waiting in my oh-god-I-really-need-coffee stupor, a little old lady asked me to help her out with bus fare. I gave her what i could dig up from the bottom of my bottomless pit of a purse. She sat down on the bench next to me and pointed to a pillbug on the ground. "What is that? I have never seen anything like that before". I kneeled down and nudged the thing with my finger and we watched it roll up into a ball. I said "It's a pill bug. You see, it rolls into a ball when it's disturbed. It has a hard exoskeleton that protects the soft squishy stuff underneath". She looked at the bug, then back at me, and gave me this look as to say "well that was a pointless bit of information I could have done without hearing, and will probably never use again". Now I know exactly how my calc II professor felt at the end of every lecture.

top five reasons to start a blog

in no particular order

1) your boss has decided that the best way to motivate you is to underutilize you and criticize your coffee-bean grinding methods, thus leaving you with a void of free time and plenty of resentment
2) laziness in contacting people and a general inability to talk to someone on the phone for longer than ten minutes without getting distracted
3) the blog serves as a creative outlet, lessening the compulsion to write stuff on bathroom walls, give oneself fake tattoos with a sharpie, etc.
4) plus, it gives you the license to be snarky about pretty much everything
5) all the cool kids are doing it