Oh Amy Sedaris, you are my heroine. If I could write a second grade report on you, I would. Your new book is probably what my book would look like if some publishing company would take a chance on a smalll-town girl with a crazy dream. Except maybe I'd have not so wide a knowledge of Diazepam and other powerful prescription sedatives.

Also, I would not have a pet bunny because they smell.

He swaggered onto the train car, hair mussed, shorts filthy, his tan geriatric stockings sagging far below the doctor-recommended kneecap. He uncapped the two-thirds finished bottle of club soda, grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels and added it to the almost empty soda container. He chugged that shit like he was a frat boy during finals week. The doors almost closed on him on his way out.

It's times like these I wish I had a digital camera.

Note: These senior citizens look like they're just having a harmless dinner party, but they're really ready to party on YOUR el train.

Best Cover Band Idea Ever

It has come to my attention that The Donnas basically went to this website and stole all their song ideas from the Misfits. The similarities are eerie, folks. I can understand their motivations, though:

1) The Misfits have a way more awesome sense of style than Jem and the Holograms. They have lighting bolts on their Faces, people, AND tiger print dresses. Enough said.

2) The Misfits songs are better. Don't believe me? Just listen to the Jem theme song:



3) The Misfits are totally badass. They would stab you in a barfight and not give a second thought to it.

So there you have it, guys. An excuse for me to post the Jem theme song in my blog. Awesome.

p.s. check out the lyrics to the song "Misfits in Hawaii". Wins the award for best awkward rhyming of "song" and "sarong" since the Beach Boys did that random guest spot on Full House.

For All Of You Out There.......

.....Who refused to believe that we met members of the NYFD at the Southside St. Patty's Day parade whose engine number was 69, rock-solid proof.

I'm pretty sure that being a fireman from New York gets you just about anything you want, and working on engine 69 just must increase the amount of times you get laid exponentially.

By the way: Though you are american heroes, members of the NYFD, your beer choice was poor. I mean, Bud Light? I had to choke my way through the entire can because throwing it out would have left me racked with guilt.

Some People Have Too Much Time on Their Hands

Seriously guys, get a day job.

IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?

As I was perusing the internets for a new banana-shaped cell phone holder (what? stop looking at me like that.), I came across this marvel of modern science: The DIY Peeps maker.

Do we really need a product that takes us step by step through the Peep making process? I can hardly even bear to eat a Peep, let alone know what goes inside one. Knowing what Peeps are made of would be like seeing your grandma naked. Let's not go there, people. Let's limit the Peep-DIY interactions to seeing how long it takes to blow one up in your microwave*


*although it is not kosher to eat a peep, it is totally kosher to microwave one.