Newsflash: Guyliner; Labrea Peircings Not Hot.

Seriously, I don't think you could find a better reason for selective sterilization among the human population than this guy.

Mystery's entire strategy is based on the book "The Game", and as dumb and offensive as it is, I'm kind of happy it was written because it drives all the sleazy losers to hit on all the retarded girls, leaving all the well adjusted, confident guys to those of us who are clever enough to see through that kind of shit.

The thing that gets me the most though is Mystery's faux-tattoo sleeve shirt. I mean, ew. Just, ew. What a pussy*. Hey guys, you want to know how to get a girl to kiss you? Get real sleeves, because tattoos are fucking hot as hell.

*I am totally allowed to say this because I recently spent 2 hours under the needle and am pretty much ready to get inked again. Inability to handle pain is such an unbecoming characteristic in a man, don't you think?

End of the Summer and Other Things, Too.

Tonight was the last movie in the park of the season. Kind of sad in a way, as it's pretty much a marker for the end of summer and all things enjoyable like tank tops and rolled cuffs and picnics and wine mixed with coke (Laura says they drink it all the time in Mexico).

The movie was "The Sound of Music", which, despite the fact I find it kind of boring towards the end and which also contains lots of weird Catholic undertones, I was still embarrassingly excited to sing along to. The lawn was speckled with leiderhosen-clad herdsmen (not real) and Nuns (totally real). For about three hours I forgot about the shit-storm swirling around me and really focused on remembering the words to "Something Good". Also, it was realllly funny to hear everyone boo and hiss when the Nazi-dudes came on screen.

The ride home on the bus was strange-the #56 Milwaukee goes through some pretty dark, deserted areas and it's weird to have a bus full of people tool along the empty streets like a ghost train or light beam or something. Funny how you can feel alone even when you're squished in between an old lady and a really fat dude and dozens of other people. I try not to let it show too much, even though I'm just surrounded by strangers.

Say What?

Jesus fucking Christ, this girl is stupid:



What's more painful? Watching this video or getting your leg slowly sawed off? Only you, the viewer, can decide.

Daaaaaaamn

Robyn Close Second to Lingonberry Pancakes on List of Things We Can Thank Sweden For

I guess Robyn has been popular in Sweden for years, but we Americans have been so focused on Ikea this whole damn time that we couldn't see the forest for the trees. "With Every Heartbeat" is just like that DHT cover of Roxette's "Listen to Your Heart", minus all the terrible parts. Plus the cover art for the single is hot. Watch the super-cool stop-motion animation video below

Ever have one of those days....

.......where you just want to crawl back into bed under your DHS security alert blanket?

Welcome to my world. I think today is somewhere between "Elevated" and "High".

Great Song......

......Horrible turtleneck. One should never wear a turtleneck in a music video.

I needed to kill time while waiting on friends to go to the Brauhaus* in Lincoln Square. Since Delicatessen Meyer has (sadly) been shut down-where will I go to listen to little old ladies complain in German that the ham is cut too thin now?-I decided to wander through the nearest Walgreens, one of my favorite pastimes. I especially like to take mental notes on differences between Walgreens in different neighborhoods of Chicago. For example, the one in Chinatown has a vast display of Pocky and Dried Squid as well as a pretty extensive dried herb and tea display, while the one in Boystown by my old apartment has the biggest selection of lube and condoms I have ever seen (located conveniently next to the ice cream freezer).

The Walgreens in Lincoln Square, however, is quite possibly the best Walgreens ever and here's why: They have ALL the ingredients to make chilaquiles. ALL. Black beans, salsa, El Ranchero chips, Chihuahua cheese, even queso fresco if your heart desires it. Have you ever been in a situation where you really want chilaquiles but you find yourself in need of a key ingredient with nary a full service grocery store near? I have, and let me tell you, it is one of the saddest things you will ever go through.

also they have this weird drinkable yogurt called Lala which if you ask me is a terrible name for a terrible product. Oh, and Maria cookies which are so indescribably delicious I recommend trying them for yourself.

*If you go to the Brauhaus they really really try to get you to buy a giant soft pretzel. It's totally unrelenting. Jon says it's because they imported them all the way from Bavaria and they need to sell them before they all go bad. I just think the waitress likes to scare the customers by yelling "YOU WANT PRETZEL???" as loudly as possible.

Whooooaaaaa!!!

Whoooaaaa!!!


That is all.